Everything is ashes. I am in my longest spell without a best friend since I was four and lived in the country, and I'm really noticing it. At least I had a dog then. Some days hanging around with a wide, shallow crowd of acquaintances (shallow in terms of relationship with me, not a comment on each of them personally) feels like insinuating myself into the universe. Like if I just rested and stopped pushing I might just fade away.... cease to be. And maybe that would be ok. I certainly don't perform any vital function in the grand scheme of things. I've never confused myself for someone irreplaceable.
I used to think smart, deep, original thoughts... or maybe I didn't. Maybe I just thought they were because I was young.
Anyway, now I dwell on loneliness and sadness and fantasize about belonging again to a small, tight-knit unit. My brain is kind of mush.
I can't do much right these days and that's getting me down. I'm having a homemade pity party. Oh well, as Terrible Justice would have me understand, this is no one's fault but mine. This is why you can't have nice things.
Or something like that.
I have opinions on things and I like to talk about them.
2 comments:
Hey, buck up, I think you are awesome and definitely vital. I might not be a bestie, but hey you got me as a friend.
FWIW, you're in the deepest inner circle of people I cyberstalk ...
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