pearls before swine

I've wasted far too much energy trying to convince people that I'm lovable, probably because the events of the spring left me unsure.

You aren't reading this, but all the same, I'm going to edit what was here originally. Maybe at best all I've been is a point you could make to a former roommate. Whatever. Your presence helped, and yes, we'll still be friends, but I think we should be more. And that will spoil everything. I'm one of the best things that could have happened to you, though.

And as for you, I really don't know you well enough to say but I've always gotten the sense we could mesh beautifully. Maybe my holiday funk hasn't spoiled it, and maybe it has, but I'm just going to stay busy and ignore everything until there's something to pay attention to.

Maybe 2009 will lead me to someone who doesn't need convincing, and maybe it won't. But I will never again doubt. I deserve happiness and goodness, and there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to be in love and to be loved.

And the Rules and the ironic generation and all the 'dead-inside' playboys can go piss up a tree.