It's time for change, for focussing on changing me. So I've started another blog to track my debt-reduction trials and tribulations, http://debtblasting.blogspot.com, and joined the Xweighted challenge to tackle the other thing that needs reduction. This is less about new years than its timely coincident with a new job and mental preparedness to tackle it now.
I know now that I am sabotaging my own wish for a relationship because I'm not happy with parts of myself. I *know* my worth is more than the circumference of my hips or the sorry state of my bank account... and yet I keep acting as if this is so. I find myself settling for (delightful, mind you) temporary things, and stuffing down any feelings I might develop for the man involved based on the fact that I assume they will not want anything more long term. And honestly, when things start one way... well, it can be hard to change. There is a loss of possibility -- a loss of respect.
Even the current admittedly weird situation I find myself in: I'm keeping a tight rein on myself. Doing mental exercises to not lose control of my emotions. That was the deal. Of course I'm allowed to care, more than perhaps for some of my other friends... but I can't allow myself to be vulnerable. It would be so easy...
It is terrific now, apart from that situation, that I have at least one friend that I can absolutely admit anything to and he's tremendously supportive, and funny, and still fun to hang out with. And to have a wider group of friends to do things with. Ha, I just realized the Twitter gang is like a new school version of a high school group of friends. Exactly. Perfect.
However, in this new era, I need to start evaluating my social engagements for how they serve my long term and short term interests and pare out the extras that just cost me money and don't entertain or further my goals.
I have opinions on things and I like to talk about them.
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