So I had to ask

You spend a lot of time on line reading blogs (I haven't noted mine in that extensive bookmark list, but who knows?) ... Do you have a blog?

And he looks at me like I'm being disingenuous, which makes me feel like maybe i am, although the question was genuine, and I honestly didn't know.

But I asked. And he said yes. And that was that.

So I resist looking for .... what, ten minutes? Yes, "stalker" rings in my ears but ... it's public domain, for the luvagod! and... all I want is perspective. To see where I am in the picture, and I can't from here, because, well, I'm behind the viewfinder.

I expected it to be a music blog, actually. That would have made sense. Instead it's... like this. Another one of those funny things. Reading the deep parts of someone close's heart and feeling awkward and tender and vulnerable just from reading.

What a relief to see I'm... invisible in that horizon. Yes. A real relief. How can I claim hurt when this is the contract I signed? There has been no lies. Ever. And it's true, if there is a tiny spot of pain, it's nothing like the wringing wretched poison that racked me for most of the year, from the lies and the falsity.

You have always been upfront with me, my friend, and you have retaught me what gratitude feels like. I do not begrudge you your romances.