I am nothing.

I am nothing.

This isn't a false modesty post, it is a factual statement on my identification with subcultures, or in fact, any culture. I am nothing.

I have no strong ethnic identification, nor country-of-origin identity. Apparently, according my genealogy-expert uncle, I have ancestors from Wales, Scotland, England, France. My family cherishes no special cooking, dancing, or language traditions. We have no strong religious affiliation. I venerate no special country as my 'homeland' (if anything, that is Parrsboro, the small Nova Scotia town my mother was from.)

I am not gay, though in the right circumstances I could probably move along the sexual identity spectrum nearer to 'gayish'.

I am not a gamer, a musician, an uber fan of anything. I have watched my partner make himself a movie expert over the last 12 months. I am jealous. I am an expert in nothing.

I have no ancestry related to native or aboriginal peoples. I am not black. None of my ancestors, that I know of, were slaves or gypsies or forced to build a railway. None of my ancestors will likely be featured in a movie of the week.

I have no cultural identity. Where that should be sits a bath of white privilege, surrounded by a shallow moat of economic disadvantage, a leftover from my youth that my adulthood has made moot.

Oh, I have family traditions. Sayings, shared references, shared recipes. My family on one side contains business people, entrepreneurs, apparently rum runners from way back. Writing talent, creativity, ridiculous humour, alcoholism. Blue collar, mostly. On the other side, poverty, mental health challenges, family drama, abuse, some typical Nova Scotia stories of split families half located in Alberta or BC. Some colourful, unique characters. Strong women.

I have no deep traditions nor roots. When I was a teen I explored some subcultures--goth, extreme music fan. None really rooted. I am balanced, I guess. I am an ally. I support those who lack my privilege, the privilege embedded in my skin colour, in my country of birth. But what do I support them with? In some ways, I have no identity.

Ironic that my work draws me to branding. That I am drawn to be an authentic witness and spokesperson... but cannot find for WHAT, which cause, company, identity can I authentically voice? It's terribly frustrating.