I realize now that spam has three functions, and therefore comes from three sources:
1. It functions to keep us from being effective and efficient, by tying up valuable productivity time deleting it, trying to write or find filters to keep it out, reading the funny stuff, forwarding some of the funny stuff to our friends, and posting rants about it on Facebook and our blogs and our company websites. From this I have ascertained that approximately one third of spam comes from the alien invasion force, that is trying to drive our economy into stagnation so they will be welcomed as overlords. If they do indeed have mind control capabilities, they could be responsible indirectly for the rest.... but I think that's farfetched. If they had mind control, they wouldn't need spam or Flight of the Conchords to control us.
2. It functions to weed out the weak willed and stupid, and those not prepared to deal with the internet age (ie, the people who click on the links and send money to Nigeria). This function is provided by a world wide army of 11-14 year hackers and 3L33T spammers, directed by the Gates - Jobs partnership. Again, this is a plan of world domination by the computelligentsia. Hopefully they will be armed and ready for the aliens. What a war that will be!
3. Most prosaically, it functions to drive people to porn sites, by inspiring randy thoughts at weak moments like 8:54 in the morning when you're reading subject lines likes "Take her hard and fast right now", or "she will quiver in anticipation", or "Your hard meat will fill her like never before"...um.... excuse me for a minute.... little warm in here...
As I was saying, this driving of traffic to porn sites for some relief (thank you porntube) is obviously being pushed by fundamentalist Christians who want to raise awareness about the evils of pornography, but also want all of us UC types to burn in hell.
Luckily, the tween revolution will burn them out first.
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